#sexism :a curbside scandal in Atlanta!

Food for thought

http://www.youngcons.com/this-photo-is-getting-thousands-of-retweets-on-twitter-can-you-spot-why/ is the article that sensationalized this whole thing. Check it out, but don't forget what year we're living in!

THIS picture has been re-tweeted over 12k times and “favorited” over 6k times. Most who have “favorited”, re-tweeted, or otherwise commented on it, (based on the several pages of comments that I read before I felt a headache coming on, probably from banging my head against the wall) find something "wrong" with the picture. I, however, was pleased to see, after searching through those several pages, that I am far from the only one responding differently. Many others are making comments similar comments to what I have said here. So here we go...

I understand the socially conditioned thought process at work here, especially when readers are given a prompt to find something wrong with the picture. I know what we are "supposed to" think is "wrong" with this picture: the “man” should be walking on the outside, and the “woman” should be walking on the inside. “He should be shielding her from unruly traffic or any other dangers.” 

Personally, I think that thought process is not only completely sexist, but also total bullshit, and extremely outdated. This isn't 1850. This isn't 1922. It’s not from a Good Housekeeping article, circa 1950 about how a woman should expect her man to treat her (as if that would have been allowed n the 50’s), nor is it from a 1953 Playboy article about how a "gentleman" should act. It's cell phone photo from 2015! 

On a separate note, if there is anything I've learned about photography, it is that photos can easily lie. Not just little lies, but really big ones. Not every time of course. After trying to photograph hundreds of uncooperative animals over the last several years, I've learned a lot. It's really easy to make the camera lie. Really, really, easy. If you don’t understand what I mean, I’ll give you one of the most common and easy examples readily available: how the filmmakers created the dog-fight scenes in the movie, White Fang. No dogs were hurt, no dogs were fighting, and no computers were used to manipulate the images or video footage other than, perhaps, the way the clips were strung together. It sure did look like a vicious battle though! 

Moving on, people make a lot of assumptions all the time. We all do it every day. I'm making them as I write this article. With this tweet and this picture, in this situation there are several assumptions that most people who view it are making based on the twitter comments:

Assumption #1 – the photographer of this picture is a stranger to the two people we are asked to look at walking in front of them.

Assumption #2 - the person on the camera's left is a man and the person on the camera's right is a woman. They have their backs to us. Despite societal norms, we could be looking at a man on the right and a woman on the left, or even two people who are gender nonconforming. I’ll let this assumption go for the most part, because in this particular situation, it isn’t really the main thing that needs to be addressed reading so many of the re-tweets and comments.

Assumption #3 – They are a couple. Not two friends, not a brother and a sister, not two colleagues walking to/from a lunch meeting. (Yes, I know many will make arguments that regardless  of their relationship status, if they are walking together, the "man" should still "always" be on the outside). I ask that you let that go for now.

Assumption #4 - These two people are walking together. For all we know, they are complete strangers and one of the two people is actually walking more quickly than the other and about to pass them.

There are more assumptions and/or inferences that can be made, but those are enough to make the following points:

• Even if these two people do know each other and are walking together, so what? Why, in 2015, in a heterosexual relationship (romantic, platonic, or otherwise), does the man have to always be considered the "guardian" of the woman and therefore NEED to walk to the outside to protect her? Many women feel suffocated just by that idea. 
• What if they are actually walking together and she has anxiety issues like claustrophobia?  In that scenario, if the woman was walking on the inside, between the man and the wall, that could easily bring out her anxiety of feeling trapped. Here, regardless of how traditional their roles may or may not be, understanding and thinking about her feelings, and her moving to the outside where she feels most comfortable would be the "chivalrous" thing for him to do. 
• I did say that thought process used by the majority of people commenting and re-tweeting with their two cents was overall sexist. What if he has a leg, back, or other injury that is invisible to viewers looking at a still photo? An injury making him unable to move quickly to escape danger should a car hop a curb? What if he has an aversion to traffic because he was hit by a car or was in a bad accident at some previous time and now has his own issues and is comforted by walking on the inside to quell his own anxiety? This is something a caring spouse or partner, male, female, or otherwise, would most certainly cater to. I try to do what I can to make those whom I love feel comfortable, even when it sometimes differs from how I would normally act. Their sex and/or gender doesn't have anything to do with it.
• Perhaps she just prefers to walk to the right, or he just prefers to walk to the left. If my husband and I ever switch sides of the bed, I feel lost and uncomfortable and don't sleep well. I go on the right. I’ve always gone on the right. It feels weird if I'm ever on his left.
• Or a hundred other reasons why "she" is curbside" and "he" is inside.
• Or zero other reasons and we are seeing exactly what the photographer saw - that there is actually nothing wrong with this picture and another mountain has been made out of another molehill.

Is there anything wrong with “traditional male and female roles” in a heterosexual relationship? Absolutely not! Everyone defines their own relationships, how they want them to work, and how they want to be treated by their partner(s). “Traditional” is but one of many labels that can be used to define a successful, working, happy relationship. That is perfectly acceptable, and that that is the food for thought that I wish for others to take with them and chew on.

One day we’re slut shaming, another day we’re man-shaming. Good grief; much judgment. From what we are shown, which is the only information we can go on, no one is being harmed in this picture.

Please think about that, @jocelyntb_, @ibi_babyyy, and everyone who saw this picture and immediately decided that “men don’t know how to treat women anymore,” that “chivalry is lost,” or any had any other similar thoughts.

The truth is, we’ll never know the story behind this innocent picture. That could be a man on the left and a woman on the right. They could be walking together. They could be in a romantic relationship. They could be in a “traditional” romantic relationship. And she could, very well, be rolling her eyes wishing he would walk curbside. 

My guess? Neither of the people even thought or cared about it because it is 2015 and most people have a hell of a lot more on their mind and don’t give a hoot about where their partner is walking.

...Except at school. Every single day at the high school where I teach, I wonder if or when (in the United States) parents and/or other teachers stopped teaching their kids/students to walk to the right to allow for an easy and normal flow of traffic so the halls are not constantly congested and hard to navigate. I must watch every corner I turn because I will be run over by one or more students who may or may not be physically looking in the direction they are walking, but they will definitely be walking down the left side about to turn the corner sharply. …But now I’m ferreting  down a long worm hole. Or would that be a ferret hole? (Or as my husband and his co-worker would say, I'm squirreling).  Peace out.

Note: “favorited” is in quotes because as far as I know it isn’t a word.