Now for the same question I ask myself ever year: How long will it be before I stop writing "2005" on my checks and various school papers? I typically get in the habit of writing the correct year right about the time December rolls around.
It’s been almost a year since I made my last entry here (and since I created this blog for that matter). I suppose a lot has happened since then, let’s see if I can remember any of it...
Gaming
The most recent news that is a "big deal" is that we (Jim and I) quit EverQuest in an attempt to curb our computer addiction. While it’s been over a month since either of us has logged into game, I seem to be on the computer just as much as before, writing and editing for Wikipedia. I have several pet projects and am engrossed in the communities of people there and our collaborative efforts. At least i feel like I'm achieving something real. Jim and I are the same, whatever interests us, we become addicted to, at the expense of whatever is happening in the rest of our lives ...school, work, etc. For me (currently) the addiction is Wikipedia, for him its reading - a passion that will never die for him I'm sure...which is fine, there are at lot worse things to be addicted to, but stuff around the house still needs to get done (we are both equally at fault)!
We also have a couple games, Sid Meier's Pirates! and D&D's: Dragonshard. These are RTS games that can be paused (not like MMORPGs such as EverQuest) and we can, theoretically walk away from them whenever we need to and then come back later and pick up where we left off. The game actually doesn't continue when you pause it. You don't miss anything. You are allowed to walk away and someone in your group will not "die" because you are not there to heal them. Unfortunately, having the pause ability doesn't seem to work as well as I thought it would. We both suffer from the "wait, let me do this one last thing" bug, which inevitably turns in to 2 or 3 more things or finishing a certain quest or chapter of the game.
Grandparents
Grandmom passed in September after a long battle with Alzheimer’s. It was for the best because she was so far gone, but I miss her very much all the time. I'm glad she is no longer suffering, but it is still hard.
Granddad is doing OK, but his Alzheimer’s is getting worse and worse every week, and he has lots of other health problems too. We're still taking care of him at home and will continue as long as possible, hopefully for the rest of the time he has left. We had a really bad experience with a nursing home and will not ever take him back to one. Some days he is cheerful and easy to care for, and other days he doesn't know where he is, who we (his family) are, or that he is 91 years old and retired and ..no, he does not need to get dressed and go to work and ..no ..that his "work crew" is not building something down the street that he needs to go check on ..and no ..he doesn't need to pay them because they don't exist.
If you couldn't follow the last few lines of the previous paragraph, I am referring to when Granddad wakes up from a dream (usually a dream about when he was in the Navy 40+ years ago in Corpus Christi and he had lots of people working under him etc). He wakes up after one of these dreams and is confused and disoriented and it often takes a long time to re-orient him. It’s stressful on everyone when this happens, especially him.
Family & Anxiety
I apparently have some bad anxiety issues. Most recently, anxiety attacks have been brought on by large gatherings of family ...or what I deem as "excessive noise" (which is, incidentally, usually produced by large gatherings of family). Mind you, most noise does not bother me at all. I can handle a large crowd of people at the mall, or the loud roar of busy restaurant with bad acoustics, or the noise created from driving down the highway at 70 mph with the windows rolled down. Those might be minor annoyances, but nothing more.
When I am talking about excessive or "nonsense" noise as I like to call it, it typically it involves two or more members of my family talking and talking and talking ..obsessively (in my opinion) and about things that seem very unimportant in the grand scheme of life - things that just don't matter, or are silly or absurd. Talking about things they have obsessed over for the last 20 minutes and its obvious everyone has the point down by now but they are still talking about it. It doesn't have to be bickering or nit-picky talk (although that happens a lot in this family).
Now I know the way I describe it makes it sound like anyone would be annoyed, right? I don't think I'm exaggerating in my above description of what kind of "noise" brings on my anxiety attacks, but the fact remains: it doesn't seem to bother ANYONE ELSE, so it has to be me. Or if it does bother others, they "don't let it get to them." The problem is, with me ...its not a matter of "not letting it get to me." because believe me, I've tried. Whatever part of the brain helps you "not let things get to you" is broken for me.
When these situations occur, my heart starts beating fast, my breathing becomes irregular and fast and my vision narrows. Its really freaky. I feel like I have to "get out of there" and be alone right away as soon as possible or I'm going to explode ..and by explode I mean run my mouth and say some not very nice things and say them very loudly.
These attacks are even worse when it happens while I am trying to do something other than be part of the conversation that is going on, or the multiple conversations that are going on depending on exactly how much of the family is present. This did not used to happen. I used to be able to chat on IRC, AIM, ICQ, YIM, talk on the phone, read a web page, edit a web page, listen to music, talk to someone in the same room, eat a meal, and study for a class ..all at the same time ..never gave it a second thought, and never get confused. In short, my ability to multi-task is completely and utterly gone and it use to completely and utterly rock. Where did it go? I want it back.
Its not just that I can't multi task, its that when I am trying to do something ..say ..write this blog entry for example, and someone walks up and wants to chat with me about something, I (1) physically do not notice their presence in the room and physically do not hear their voice...they are just not there, or (2) hear/see them ..but not really know what they are saying or doing and, in addition, become really angry that I was interrupted and bite their head off. Its almost as ..the ability to censor myself when I am upset with someone (for this one thing of interrupting me) is gone. I can't not be furious. And as soon as I've flown off the handle I immediately feel remorse, but the damage has already been done.
I think that’s more than enough for now. A lot of other stuff happened last year, but ...I can't seem to really come up with anything good so here I stop.
